arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
