We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
