Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
