But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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