What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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