she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
