A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
