he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
