Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
