oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
