My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
