he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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