Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
