I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
