He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
