I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
