Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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