booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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