Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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