YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
