I just cut my nipple shaving
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
