I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
