I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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