Got a toothbrush?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
