How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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