i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
