Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
