But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
