are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
