...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
