You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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