Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
