A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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