What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
