i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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