You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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