The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
