If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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