I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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