I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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