We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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