Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
