Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ugly people sure do ruin things
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
