Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
