the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
