why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
