and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
