You really coming over, don't trick.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
