There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
