I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
