We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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