My friends, they love my intelligence
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
