Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
