Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
