Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
there is puke in my bra ... again
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