Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
