oh god the rape fog is back!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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